Stuck

I just ate four pieces of pizza.  I've spent the past 3 hours on the edge of vomiting.  I tried to throw up but I couldn't.  I ate the fourth pizza slice with the full knowledge it would make me feel ill.  I started overeating at night when I was a child.  Eating too much makes me feel numb.  It helps me sleep.  And somehow feeling sick and being mad at myself for doing it on purpose feels right.  Like I deserve to feel this way.  But I'm a grown ass adult now and I'm really tired of it.  I am the happiest I have ever been and I want to live my best day every day.  But I seriously don't know how to stop.  I have two really destructive habits that come and go in cycles- binge eating and picking my skin.  If I'm not indulging in one, it's the other.  Please gods give me the clarity to make this stop.